It's not you?

Today I went out with two friends. One friend is married and took her husband's last name because she liked it better than hers. The other friend is engaged and doesn't want to take her fiance's last name because she doesn't like, and she's worried that any kids they have will get made fun at school because of it. Unfortunately, she's not comfortable talking to her fiance about it, and is even more worried that if she doesn't take the fiance's last name, she'll destroy relations with her in-laws, so she won't even bring it up. Married friend and I think she should keep her last name, or they should choose another last name, or, at the very least, she should really talk to her fiance about her concerns and not take fiance's last name. Basically, she should do what she feels is best for her and her future children. Unfortunately, she insists she's not the type to do what she wants - she says it's not her to act without taking other people's feelings and desires into account. How sad. It's "not her" to do what she feels best for herself because other people *may* not like it. She is defined in good part by what other people want. In some ways, I'm glad she recognizes that about herself. What really bothers me is that she seems to be okay with it, or is too afraid to change it.

In a similar vein, I was having a conversation with a friend the other day. We were having some rare good weather, and he said he wanted to be out tanning, since he was looking pale. I agreed that he was looking pale - he's olive-toned. I said that, thanks to a family history of skin cancer, I try hard not to get tanned. He pointed out that fake tans are getting better, and I replied that I don't want to buy into a system that asserts tanned in beautiful/ best when it's not. He asked how this was working out for me (perhaps this was a slight insult?). I said I was fine with it, and his reply was that he guessed he just didn't have my self-confidence. I've never really viewed it as self-confidence - I've viewed it as rationality.

I recognize I'm pretty non-traditional, but it's sad that making your own decisions and acting in your own self-interest is revolutionary. Sometimes I feel like the overly-analytical, scientific main character in the tv show Bones.